Neurodivergent But Undiagnosed? You’re Not Alone

I Thought I Was Neurodivergent—But the Tests Said No

I went alone and sat in a law-office-looking conference room. Two neuropsychologists came in to deliver my results. They were kind, professional, even warm. But then came the words:

And just like that, a sliver of me thought — “Okay, I guess I’m not neurodivergent.”

But the larger part of me… felt diminished. Griefy. Dismissed, even.

I wasn’t looking for a label. I was looking for reflection. For affirmation. For someone to name what I’ve always known — that I move through the world differently. And when the system couldn’t hold that for me, I realized: it’s not me that’s broken. It’s the framework.

What Neuropsych Tests Actually Measure — and What They Don’t

These assessments measure how well your brain ‘works’. They look at reading, language, attention, IQ, etc. More on that below.

My IQ Result came back at 98 (range: 90-109). “Average. 75th percentile.” – my neuropsychologist

But here’s what that doesn’t account for:

• Emotional intelligence
• Pattern recognition
• Depth of empathy
• Spiritual and intuitive sensitivity
• Chronic nervous system dysregulation
• System sensing and soul-level knowing

Most neuropsychological assessments focus on:

• Visual and verbal processing speeds
• Memory recall
• Impulsivity
• Logical reasoning

They do not assess:

• Masking
• Trauma-based adaptations
• People-pleasing
• Claircognizance or spiritual intelligence
• Internal emotional labor of maintaining “normal”

These tools were never made for people like me — or maybe you, too.

I Don’t Meet Criteria — But I Still Know Myself

My symptoms haven’t disappeared just because a test didn’t pick them up.

• I struggle with eye contact in complex ways; even with my husband during intimate moments
• I lose track of tasks midstream
• I burn out socially
• I experience intense emotions and disproportionate reactions
• I’ve always masked
• I’ve always felt different

So I began asking myself a new question — not, “Am I neurodivergent?”

But: “Does a neurodivergent framework explain my lived experience more fully than a purely medicalized lens of depression and anxiety?”

And my answer is still yes.

The Gender Bias in ADHD and Autism Diagnoses

Most diagnostic criteria were developed by studying white boys. Which means they weren’t built to see us (literally ALL of us who are non-white boys).

Autism Was Studied Primarily in Boys

Most traits used in diagnosis reflect how autism presents in boys — not women.

Masking Hides Traits in High-Functioning Women

Many women become social chameleons, suppressing their traits until they no longer know what’s real.

ADHD in Women Looks Different (and Gets Missed)

Instead of hyperactivity, we’re forgetful, spacey, emotional, and exhausted — all traits often written off as stress or anxiety.

We Get Misdiagnosed with Anxiety and Depression

Because the system isn’t built to see our root cause, it treats only the symptoms.

Reference:

The Hidden Epidemic: Undiagnosed Autism in Adult Women – Alfrey & Pruitt Counseling

What I Know That a Test Can’t Show

I’m a nurse.
A mother to neurodivergent children (yes, with formal diagnoses).
An empath.
A spiritual intuitive.
A woman who has masked for so long that even I forget what my baseline looks like.

I’ve experienced ego death. Awakening. Identity collapse. Grief.

None of that is on a checklist.
But it’s real.

And I refuse to believe that my identity must be proven by a test never designed for someone like me.

What To Do If You Feel Neurodivergent But Aren’t Diagnosed

You don’t need a clinical label to validate what you already know in your bones.

Maybe you’ve walked away from an assessment like I did — with a diagnosis that felt too narrow, or with no diagnosis at all.

Maybe you’ve never pursued formal evaluation, but you’ve always felt different. You relate to neurodivergent experiences, resonate with traits shared online, and see yourself in stories of masking, sensory overwhelm, or executive dysfunction.

If you’re in that space — living in the in-between — it can feel like you’re not allowed to claim your truth unless someone with credentials says so.

But here’s the truth: you are the authority on your lived experience.

There are many of us who exist outside of neat diagnostic boxes. Whether because of effective masking, gendered misdiagnosis, spiritual sensitivity, or trauma-based adaptations — we still feel the impact of neurodivergence in real, daily ways.

And there are steps you can take to explore your identity, support your needs, and honor your wiring — whether or not you have a formal label.

Journal Prompts:

• Where have I masked to feel safe?
• Where do I feel most misunderstood?
• What version of me have I performed to survive?

Traits That May Point to Neurodivergence (Even Without Diagnosis):

• Executive dysfunction
• Emotional intensity
• Sensory sensitivity
• Chronic burnout after social interaction
• Pattern-based thinking
• Spiritual or energetic overwhelm

Resources and Reflections:

• Explore books on AuDHD, sensory profiles, or masking
• Use ND-affirming self-assessments for deeper clarity
• Seek therapy with someone ND-informed
• Try my FREE 10 Journaling Prompts for Undiagnosed ND Women — created for those of us living in the in-between
• Explore my list of ND Mom Must-Haves!

You Are Not Broken

If you’re here and this is you, I want you to know:

• You are not broken. You are not too much.
• There’s a whole spectrum of brilliance that these tests don’t touch.
• You don’t need outside permission to be fully you.

If you’re looking for tools to help you unmask, self-validate, or simply feel seen — I’ve got some for you. You’re safe here. You’re not alone.

You are wildly valid — even when the tests say no.